Cookie Dough Heather Winters / Getty ImagesĪlthough I plead with you not to risk the food poisoning that’s possible with eating real raw cookie dough, I understand its delicious appeal. Also, they’re the centerpiece of the best scene in 1991’s fifth top-grossing movie, "City Slickers." Having sautéed sea bass, potatoes au gratin and asparagus for dinner? Don’t forget a pint of this one. The raisins are soaked in literal rum, so they’re softer than you may be thinking they will be, and their potent raisin-y nip is curbed by the fat in the cream. I know, I know! You hate the very idea, but have you ever actually tried it? I don’t like raisins, yet I still kind of like this one, and a little controversy over trivial things is what makes life worth living. The only acceptable version is cherry chocolate chip, and even then, it’s objectively the worst chocolate chip. When chilled, some of the woody, tannic flavors that make a cherry pie such a delight are so muted as to be undetectable. Or worse, they use the mortal sin of fake cherry flavor. I have had a couple of artisan cherry ice creams that used a lot of real black cherry or tart cherry puree, but usually, cherry ice cream uses varieties that aren’t very interesting, as though they’re left over after the crop has been picked through for maraschino purposes. To make matters worse, the flavors of the cake and ice cream are typically indistinguishable. Cake batter flavor, in which there is no bogged-down cake but there is fake cake flavor permeating the entire scoop, is similarly hamstrung by too much of a good thing.Īlso, I hate sprinkles. I like cake and I like ice cream, but somehow birthday cake flavor is the worst of both worlds - the often-sodden cake detracts from the ice cream, and the ice cream overwhelms the cake. Birthday Cake / Cake Batter Anjelika Gretskaia / Alamy Stock Photo The city of Naples should sue for defamation.
If strawberry is your favorite, you’re particularly unfortunate, because Neapolitan strawberry is objectively the worst strawberry. Neapolitan Brent Hofacker / Getty ImagesĪ mix of three flavors is purported to mean everyone is happy, but in practical terms, it means no one is. And the all-too-common blue coloring? Insult to injury. Whoever said, "Even bad ice cream is pretty good," has never had this flavor. Too sweet, too flat and irretrievably boring. These are precisely the same flavor - and it is bad. I know there is someone out there claiming these are two distinct flavors, and I regret to inform you that you are tragically deluded. There just happen to be thirty-one, like a certain famous ice cream shop, but it’s a complete coincidence. When you’re standing in front of the cold case, it can be so hard to choose just one perfect scoop! Let’s talk about the most common varieties. Some flavors are better left on the trash heap of culinary history.
With that iconic foundation of fat, protein and sugar with a veritable smorgasbord of possible added flavors and textures, you could have a different kind of ice cream every day for a year - but that’s not always a good thing. Nine times out of 10, I’d rather have real ice cream. You can have your sunny-day sorbets, ices, slushes and sherbets.
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